"Situations."

So I'm sure that you are tired of hearing about what I am going to say soon.
I don't care.


I was telling Janelle about how my old friends & I were discussing my want for a girlfriend. She asked me, "i thought you were on chillz about that ?"
Her question, if you don't know, is referring to what I said about not wanting to have a "crush" or consider going with someone.

So yeah, me saying I want a girlfriend would definetly contradict with the above statement...if it were not for what I said next to Janelle.

"like, maybe iwasn't clear with you----idon't want to deal with anyone who is in my past, you know. like, Mone...Tashauna...Rachel...etc
ikinda jst want to move on from it all; and try something new. like; they are Great, but idon't need to be constantly crushing/wanting to be with them all the time...it's quite pathetic."

Now of course, I don't like the wording of that statement; it definetly makes me seem as though I don't want to have anything to do with the girls of my past, which also includes Jheri and Sua just so you know, which is NOT true. I was typing exactly what was coming to my mind, which is what I do currently in texts and IM's.

Anyways,
I wish to clarify what I meant by that...I did, truly enjoy all times of infatution with the aforementioned friends. Each "situation" came along with it's own lessons and benefits. Of course, there were downsides to each and every situation, but they are not relevant as of now.

Point is, I feel pathetic writing about this...talking about this...even THINKING about this.
Like, why can't I find someone new? Obviously none of the aforementioned girls are working out, so why can't I realize that and just leave them alone?

The answer is pretty simple, actually. I just don't like losing friends, and these "situations" that arise bring me closer to these people than I could ever imagine.

Like, just look at how close Tashauna & I are. I would have never even Dreamed of her caring about me, at all. Lol. Now, she's one of the most important people in my life, and I may just be as signifcant to her. This, would NOT have happened without a "situation."

Sua, the love of my life, would not hold such a title had it not been for the infatuation I grew for her during April and May of 2008. We'd be simple friends, and then I would not have what I have with her now. [That thought makes you sad right? Me too Lol.]

So, as you can hopefully see, these "situations" are far from being insignificant, or even completely unwanted to me.

I just think it's best if I just left them alone. If they come back again, which is quite possible, then let that be another time from now, and a time when things can Actually work---when there isn't the obstacle of a "boyfriend" or me being indecisive, etc etc.

Why would it be best?
I wouldn't feel pathetic, or as if I am wasting my time [which I sometimes do feel.]
I'd be able to actually give someone new a chance.
And I could really test the bond I have with these people, and find out if these "bonds" are just the joy of infatuation, or sturdy bonds are friendship that are stronger than "crushing" on one another.

Ahh, the title for this is near perfect. Creating your title after writing is sometimes best, but not always. Titles help create a sense of direction, and focus. Yet, they can also limit your mind...so yeah, you decide when to create the title.



"that just realllllyyyyyyy made me smile and go strawberry pink......like - you're really hard to disregard . and unknowingly , you've just had some type of iimpact on me ."
-StarGirl. <--- ineed a girl like that;


So what have I really said?
...
I'll let you formulate your own interpretations.



& now,
let the annoying comments commence...

^^^^^^
hopefully, you guys will prove me wrong.
=]


***noonecommentedmyother blog***

-em;