August 1st, 2009---a day.

...iusually doNOT make blogs about my day;
that is for what my 'Yo' is.
yet, today did something to me---it opened my eyes;
& helped me reach new heights.

Tre's birthday bash was fun.
---it could have been better; & ifeel bad for Tre.
but dinner was coo[imadepeoplelaugh].
getting the bill together was overwhelming annoying._
our service was TERRIBLE.
AMC Theatres was the worst, yet best part of the night.

...after much talk and drama; ihad refunded the same tickets TWICE;
& Tre had to see the movie w/ only his two female companions.

yet,
outside,
idid something which may change the rest of the Summer,
& the way ilook at some things.
although it isn't a big to most, maybe ALL of you,
icalled four people, only 3 of the calls holding signficance.

...the first, was Sua.
ahhh; it was great calling her.
ifelt like a new person; inever call her---in fear that it will be
awkward,etc.
& well,
itWAS.
we talked about minor stuff; and she ended our conversation
before it could really start with a "...well, iguess i'll text you later."
not only will it be ME who does the texting later;
but she didn't want to hear my voice.
...at that very moment, iwas Sad. Ej, Julian, and my cuzzin didn't notice---
for ishowed NO facial expression;
but my mind had flashbacks of the arguements Sua & I shared.
and the time she said ishould stop liking her.
etc,etc.
....despite the mournful event;
iwas Proud of myself of actually calling her.
iwon't do it again for some time; but iDID do it.
call me Pathetic;& i'll say, "probably."


...the next call, was to Tashauna.
this call, was very interesting.
by now, you should all know what ithink of her...then again;you don't.
lls.
but, you do know that she's a bestfriend, and my thoughts have been
roaming with regards to her.
anyways,,,me calling her was a bigdeal.
cause like; you can Text all you want---but hearing someone's voice
can really have an effect.
she was in the movies,
& came out to see.
at first, iwas shocked. but then, irealized that it was an act of simply wanting to see me;
and that is very Expectable;at least frm her.
like; she really did tell her Boyfriend that she will be back because she is coming
outside to see me----that is Insane.

,,,like--it made me feel really Special.
& it almost made me feel Wanted...almost.
...ididn't get a hug;
idk; iblowthingsoutofproportion.
...and besides her braids,
she looked sooooooooooGreat.
iwish iwas on that 'date'.
black & blue; with leggins.


...and then there was the call to Jheri.
she didn't answer,
and eventually called back---after pleading her case;
so that iwould know that she did not intentionally ignore me...which iorignally thought.
when icalled her; which idid without ANY hesistation; ilovedtalkingtoher._
although there were some weird moments, and ioften had to think of something tosay,
and that Ej and his Bro, and my cuzzin were making SOOOOOOO MUCH NOISE
AND DISTRACTING ME lol; ilovedeveryminuteofourconversation.
of course, iwas upset when my phone was dieing.
lls.
anyways, icalled her, we talked, and iwas Happy.
ilearned some disturbing information----the reason why she & I had
stopped talking.
...iwas upset for a minute or two.
ilook forward to the next conversation...

[yes, istill Appear be 'girl crazy' but iam making a vailant effort into changing that. what you see above is jst me feeling good because iactually called those close to me.]

* thank Tashauna for this: iam by no means "scared" to talk to females on the phone...iused to do it allthetime. ijst, despise awkward moments & whack conversations;texting is easy---and if you suck at talking to me over texts, why would icall you ? also; calling the people with which ihave 'situations' is Cool, cause it can help resolve those 'situations', or change them._

...if Ej were not with me today; iwould NOT have called anyone,
nor would ihave had a good time.
that sparked an Epiphany, irealized how important Ej is to my life.
when we are SUPER cool; like in 9th grade, ido things inormally wouldn't.
goal: stay close to everyone in the Q.U.A.D.

my goal brings up one of my final points;
Edem & I being cool is for the better of everyone in our 'circle'.
the things we discussed today----->certain Q.U.A.D. members being closer to others;
our views on one another; etc.
...although him telling me about how much Marcus DESPISED me at one point really did
make me really Angry, and doubtful, not to mention cautious,
ireally enjoyed our convo._

...i'm not sure what else ican say.
it may seem that iwill not start calling people;
but that is not the case.
ihave to, rid myself of this Disease ibear;
icannot keep myself attached to anyone._

,,,so; this blog was a dud.
it sparked an epiphany or two;
but reallly the girls portion messed it up.

Sua really shot my inspiration;but helped me with my Goal.
Tashauna made me feel like somebody.
& Jheri brought the joy back into phone conversations;and our friendship.

"...iknow iam a lot of work; but look at what you have done---can you really blame me ?"

-em;