Love's Taking Flight.

Without you,
I would know not of the sky's benevolence;
The comfort of Cloud 9,
would have been a myth to me.

I was once a mere ostrich hatchling,
Dreaming of the day when I could prance into the blue,*
Frolicking with all the other birds...

More than just the wind beneath,
you are my wings.



* "the blue" --> "the sky" ....the Sky is blue, yeah. lol

-em;

Jubilance[tothe2ndpower.]

After spending sometime with Sua; & seeing people I miss dearly at Alisha's cookout, my H A P P I N E S S level is STUPID.
---ican't wait until school starts,,,
&idesperately need to start my Wrap-Up.


...was this just an excuse to post another J. Alba picture ?
ofcoursenot._
=]

"And you might not take these words seriously, but they will live forever in your hearts. So laugh while you can, ignore while you still please, but these words, will make an astonishing return."


-em;

Jubilance.

So like, today I finally found "Sonic DX" in stores---one of my favorite video games of all time.
Playing it brought back so many memories; ididn't text ANYONE while playing it; didn't even LOOK at the computer---iwas in a DreamWorld._

...went school shopping; and for the most part, set the tone for my "style" [which will be Astonishing] this year.

it's amazing...I'm just really happy right now. On good terms with most of my friends, barring Jheri who hasn't texted me in forever lol:
-Sua has never shown she loved me like this before; that means more than Anything.
-Pap & I are like, Yo ! <--- remember, "Yo" is my favorite word.
-Saika is actually holding my interest: I'm proud of her lol.

*ijustgavethosethreegirlsreallygreatcompliments;if you didn't notice.*


Idk man; can't stop smiling... ...ijst saved about 30 Jessica Alba pictures to my computer; & ipod[that makes 66 in all]---i'm sooo going to buy her Auto-Biography; itruly hope she has one.


Janelle & I are going to be really GreatFriends this year; like, you can SAY that I'm jst gettting excited &setting myself up for disappointment; but i'm serious. We're jst two Cool people who combine to form an even Cooler person. =]


I feel, invincible almost. Like; no one can anger me...no one has the "advantage" over me.
---this is sooo Great, iwish school would start so that GoodGrades can be added to my list of "Things That are Making Me Joyful."


This blog was really pointless; I jst had to express my jubilance !

"The Sun will come out, just prepare for those cloudy days too."

* just in case you didn't know; EVERY quote you see from me is one that ihave created myself.
no possible Praise needed---as long as you know.


-em;

I Wonder.

I wonder, if you really care.
Or if, you are truly aware.
Does it really matter what I say, what I do?
Is the love I express, also true for you?
Am I just another game piece, with which you like to play?
Will the Sun ever, descend for us one day?
Do you ever consider, what I hide behind this smile?
Is your grin, hiding plots of guile?*
Could I be tossing my heart, to the wrong soul?
Do you understand, that only you I extol?**


I love you;
I wonder, if you are truly aware.
Or if, you really care.




*Guile - the trait of being deceptive; the use of tricks.
**Extol - to praise or glorify.



-em;

The Man Behind the Wheel.

I am the clouds that contain the rain;
I am the conductor who drives the train.
I am the player who wants to win;
I am the hand behind the pen.

You are everything, that I am.
We control the sky;
the train,
the game,
and the pen.

We make our own choices,
and only they matter in the end.


*Wrote this poem on May 5th, 2008. Made a few minor changes; if you didn't notice-The second stanza from "We control..." correlates with something in the first stanza. [I.E. - "...the player who wants to win." && "...the game."] I'm basically saying that we determine our lives: we break our own hearts, we create our own happiness. <---- those were going to be added lines into this poem, but I could not find where to put them. And I hope you get the title, or I will cry tonight. Lol.


-em;

Randomness 106.

I can't seem to decide on a theme.
I will eventually,,, iwant to find that theme ifound before; the one ignored because it didn't

allow people to comment.

[but now, idon't care about comments. lol; you can jst send me anything important,

interesting, or cool to me in a text.]
---this blog started off as nothing;and was supposed to be a

Temporary thing .

ihave been doing pretty well with not cursing...CONGRATS !

...anyways; ithink ihave started a precedent for me to follow:

theJessicaAlba picture---ishould def. have one in each entry !
ihad sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many ideas to put in this blog; but since imade this blog earlier than expected,

ihave also lost them. =/

oh well;they come &go .

--

[[[current favorite songs: Smash Into You by Beyonce, It Ends Tonight by TheAllAmericanRejects, & Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus.]]]

--

...IT SEEMS; that ihave isolated myself from Chris Brown, unintentionally .

this guy, at least his music, was once what Beyonce's is to me now---ilooked in my playlist today; and was Appalled to find out that Superhuman [feat. Keri Hilson] wasn't even in there !

&so,

iwill start listening to him faithfully again...while adding Kid CuDi & Lupe Fiasco to theMIX.

itruly want to write shorter blogs; they look so much cooler and have bigger effect on people...

when school starts,,,

i'm going to be theCoolestpersonyouhaveevermet.

like, seriously...icannot WAIT UNTIL August 31st !

...idon't think ihave been this excited about something since , the movie night with Q.U.A.D.

&friends.

itried not to say anything;but isn't this typing style SO MUCH COOLER !

like , theother way made me seem Depressed anytime italked about something negative...

---when, if you talk to me, it's clear that iam not.

***iamcontemplatinggettingbothofmyearspierced.***
When Tashauna said something about my Randomness blogs, it made me Smile.

...like, all she said was, "wht number "Randomness" r we on?..like 5thousand lol" , but icouldn't stop smiling for like 6 minutes. [it was really only a minute, but 6 looks so darnGreat.]

------->Omg, ijst realized that ihaven't done that little thing for Sua yet, LOL.

,,,like---ijst keep forgetting; sorry Sua !

=]

*ireally need to start my Wrap-Up of this summer.

whoo ! it has been a summer to remember;surprisingly._



idon'tthinkihaveanythingtorevealrightnow;asiusuallydoinmy"Randomness"blogs. iwilleventually, sodon'tworry!lol.

thisistoolongalready;

...So I'll end with something random:
Sugar should only be used to feed birds .

-em;

"Situations."

So I'm sure that you are tired of hearing about what I am going to say soon.
I don't care.


I was telling Janelle about how my old friends & I were discussing my want for a girlfriend. She asked me, "i thought you were on chillz about that ?"
Her question, if you don't know, is referring to what I said about not wanting to have a "crush" or consider going with someone.

So yeah, me saying I want a girlfriend would definetly contradict with the above statement...if it were not for what I said next to Janelle.

"like, maybe iwasn't clear with you----idon't want to deal with anyone who is in my past, you know. like, Mone...Tashauna...Rachel...etc
ikinda jst want to move on from it all; and try something new. like; they are Great, but idon't need to be constantly crushing/wanting to be with them all the time...it's quite pathetic."

Now of course, I don't like the wording of that statement; it definetly makes me seem as though I don't want to have anything to do with the girls of my past, which also includes Jheri and Sua just so you know, which is NOT true. I was typing exactly what was coming to my mind, which is what I do currently in texts and IM's.

Anyways,
I wish to clarify what I meant by that...I did, truly enjoy all times of infatution with the aforementioned friends. Each "situation" came along with it's own lessons and benefits. Of course, there were downsides to each and every situation, but they are not relevant as of now.

Point is, I feel pathetic writing about this...talking about this...even THINKING about this.
Like, why can't I find someone new? Obviously none of the aforementioned girls are working out, so why can't I realize that and just leave them alone?

The answer is pretty simple, actually. I just don't like losing friends, and these "situations" that arise bring me closer to these people than I could ever imagine.

Like, just look at how close Tashauna & I are. I would have never even Dreamed of her caring about me, at all. Lol. Now, she's one of the most important people in my life, and I may just be as signifcant to her. This, would NOT have happened without a "situation."

Sua, the love of my life, would not hold such a title had it not been for the infatuation I grew for her during April and May of 2008. We'd be simple friends, and then I would not have what I have with her now. [That thought makes you sad right? Me too Lol.]

So, as you can hopefully see, these "situations" are far from being insignificant, or even completely unwanted to me.

I just think it's best if I just left them alone. If they come back again, which is quite possible, then let that be another time from now, and a time when things can Actually work---when there isn't the obstacle of a "boyfriend" or me being indecisive, etc etc.

Why would it be best?
I wouldn't feel pathetic, or as if I am wasting my time [which I sometimes do feel.]
I'd be able to actually give someone new a chance.
And I could really test the bond I have with these people, and find out if these "bonds" are just the joy of infatuation, or sturdy bonds are friendship that are stronger than "crushing" on one another.

Ahh, the title for this is near perfect. Creating your title after writing is sometimes best, but not always. Titles help create a sense of direction, and focus. Yet, they can also limit your mind...so yeah, you decide when to create the title.



"that just realllllyyyyyyy made me smile and go strawberry pink......like - you're really hard to disregard . and unknowingly , you've just had some type of iimpact on me ."
-StarGirl. <--- ineed a girl like that;


So what have I really said?
...
I'll let you formulate your own interpretations.



& now,
let the annoying comments commence...

^^^^^^
hopefully, you guys will prove me wrong.
=]


***noonecommentedmyother blog***

-em;

Public Service Announcement 1: Friends Glow.

I spent so much time trying to satisfy myself with a blogger template, that I've completely exhausted myself. Even worst then me not having the energy to devise a blog, is the fact that I'm not completely content with the new layout that you see. Sigh...I should have a new blog up tomorrow. Thanks for everything, I guess. I'm considering having some of my blogs have a more laid back style; not EVERY single blog needs to be so formal. Instead of leaving you with this nearly pointless speech, I'll bestow upon you a poem I wrote April 28th, 2008:


Friends Glow.

Everytime the light burns out,
and all you can see is darkness,
a friend will be the one,
who always stands right beside you,
with a candle in hand.


I would change some things about this, maybe, but I like to show it to you as it was when such ideas were swimming in my head. Three days after a break-up, and this was written...interesting? Maybe.



-em;

Randomness 105.

School is waiting just around the bend; how cool. It won't be long until I'm once again trotting those Randallstown hallways with drama, laughs, and girls. Lol. I can't wait until this summer is over, just so that I can write my "Wrap-Up" of the summer. (In case you don't know, I started a tradition of making a rap that reviews the summer, school year, and the year in general.) I have plenty to discuss this summer, from personal changes to changes in others. I might change the format of my Wrap-Up this time around though, possibly making adding a more poetic influence, instead of just simply stating what has happened.

I have recently acquired a fondess of Miley Cyrus, well, two of her songs. Party in the USA just makes me feel wonderful; it might have the same effect Lollipop & Stuntin (feat. Drake) by Lil' Wayne [who is my number one "hype-man"] has on me. And then there's the song called The Climb which is an absolutely deep and invigorating song. I won't tell you about it or it's lyrics, just listen. People's reactions have been quite interesting, yet nothing I wouldn't expect.

I just realized that invigorating is one of my favorite words; I use it often.

Janelle had become a really good friend. I truly didn't expect it, if I can be honest. She just always seems to be happy, and that in turn keeps me happy. Even though she still has doubts about how much I care about what she has to say, and her in general, I see us going great places. Although, I am a bit skeptical about opening up completely to her. That is probably because I am once again straying away from my want to keep things to myself. She is apparently very emotional, which I believe is both a curse and gift-she can express how she feels, but may become stressed over something which is highly insignificant. Anyways, you're great kid, and I look forward to us being cool in our final hours of high school.

Saika is truly something special; her place in my life is even more of a shock than that of Janelle's. She called me the other day, and I expected utter Awkwardness-I got the exact opposite. Despite a few uncomfortable moments of silence, the conversation was both consistent and interesting, things which I rarely get from people. The nickname StarBoy that you gave me is really one of my favorites. I realized the other day that her Ego is quite large. Lol. I mean, it isn't arrogant or extreme to the point where she becomes unattractive, but is definetlty noticeable. Your voice definetly does not match your face, Lol. Thank you. <-- For what, I don't think I need to say.


Sua ! She has to be the most interesting person I know. And I'm not just saying that because she is my favorite person. She's always mad at me, it seems-but then she'll say something which completely negates any "bad" things she said to me. I find her recent want to talk to me on the phone quite weird, but very refreshing I guess; I like[scratch that] LOVE her random, sporadic side. She just asked me why I am so nice to her all the time, and my answer: "I try not to be so much, honestly-I just don't want to lose what little I have of you." I believe, that have discovered a fear of mine: losing the things which are most dear to me. It seems, as if it would have long been a fear, but I never thought I'd actually lose anything that Matters. Anyways, this is too nice......when I tried being "honest" and "said what was on my mind" to Sua, she liked momentarily FLIPPED. I didn't get offended, for she was just speaking out of anger. I'm serious about what I said though; things like simply not telling me why you're mad at me does make me lean toward the "We wouldn't work as a couple." side. Anyways, as you know, you come before all, so who cares about the little stuff.


Wow, wasn't that long. I guess Love gets my mind churning; I mean, it is was I write about most of the time. This fact bothers me, and so, I am trying to not write about love so much. It isn't hard for me to write about other topics, love just catalyzes my Inspiration more than others. As you hopefully saw, my last blog was a poem about me, a once corrupt murderer, killing a senseless murderer.

Going to my great-grandmother's cookout the other day made me realize how much I miss being close to my "2nd" cousins. Like, when I was younger, they were more like siblings-we took vacations together and I was always over. They seem so distant now; I guess that comes with age and distance.

My style for next year will be way more daring and sporadic, yet at the same time, it will be more reserved and cool. I just want to reflect who I am...and I definetly have all four of the aforementioned elements.

When Rachel told me the other day that her boyfriend rose to the occasion and basically "took advantage" I became slightly upset. Not only did it seem like she was throwing it in my face that I did NOT rise to the occasion, it also reminded me of how I have a tendency to miss opportunities and mess things up-but not this year !

I feel as though I "dumbed down" this blog for the sake of others. It's good to consider the feelings of others, but not so good to do something that isn't you. I guess, it's fine, since I did not dilute this sea of words completely.

I think I really took what my english teacher said to heart. She said, "It is best to try and not repeat the same words over and over again in your writing." And since I often convey the same ideas, it becomes a tedious tasks to prevent repetition of my words; I hope that helped someone.
I am supposed to be going shopping with the old "crew" from elementary and middle school. I really do miss those guys; they were also like siblings to me in my earlier years. I hope, that all goes well and that I can actually go; my anticipation is too great for me to miss this.

In a nutshell, I'm transcending...learning from mistakes and those who matter. It feels good, actually, to be able to relax and just contemplate things. Maybe that is another reason why I adore blogging so much [not to mention that I like typing.]

*** They are some really Jealous girls in my life. Not a big problem, but just know that you can't hide your jealousy well. Lol. ***

...possible next blogs: he gets the girl ?, maybe you should just leave me alone, we don't care,etc.

This is fun, but I have to be back in the house before the streetlights come on. Let's go to the playground and play there tomorrow !


-em;

Untitled.*

I was once like you, sinister as can be:
Killed people for the joy, and the thrilling glee.
No mercy, no purpose for a plea.**
Death to one, is all you can guarantee.

But don't blink twice, I'll appear within the mist.
If you hear me coming, don't bother to resist.
I hold no heart, remorse does not exist.
I'll thrust 'til the last breath, if you insist.

Your blood's intoxicating, I'll wear it as a cloak;
Whisper in your son's ear, the last words you spoke.
End your wretched life, for the malice you provoke.
An amazing inferno, your lungs'll be roaring with smoke.

Ashes will remain, souls will not.
Another beautiful cleansing, another successful plot.
Your wrongdoings will forever live; it's sad I suppose,
That it will all end, because of the path you chose.




*Couldn't think of a title with which I am satisfied-I will eventually.
**You know how people plea for their lives to be spared when they are[knowingly]about to be killed? yeah .

-em;

Love vs Lust.

I would care not,
if your nightly skies
were without stars,
if the curve of your hips,
had not been.


*This blog baffles so many of my friends. Simply, this blog is a statement from the point of view from a boy, or man, in modern times. He is simply saying, "If you weren't gorgeous, I could careless about you, or anything that makes you happy." It should be obvious what sparked such a harsh, yet truthful blog; some, if not most, males today are sex addicts, and will do anything to get it. By far, one of my favorite poems EVER. However, I often question my choice of title, even though it is nearly immaculate for this poem.


-em;

The Tide of the Battle Changes, in Poetry.

The forms of voice:
words and actions.

words...
bring little tingles of joy,
and spurts of anticipation,
which determine your state for the next
day or so.

actions...
instill everlasting memories,
which ultimately decide your joyous,
or vehement fate.

for you see,
in their climatic battles,
words are always the corpses;
actions are always the victors.

the blades of sensual intercourse,
rip through the flesh of talks
about sex.

...and the bullets of eye contact,
pierce through the heart of
text messages.

words do hold aquedate weapons,
but only in Poetry,
where they are the sole form of expression.





* I truly Despise this poem - how can words be more significant and powerful than actions [in poetry] if writing itself is an action? And, talking about sex is also an action, as is sexual intercourse. I suppose, as far as poetry is concerned, writing does not 'count' as an action, for only the words matter when expressing yourself to another - if you were to show your feeling to someone through some sort of hug or scowling grimace, than that isn't poetry. And for the general consensus, discussing things you will do is far inferior to actually do them; that is my true point across which I am trying to get. I abhor myself for over-analyzing everything; had I not say anything, some if not all of you would not have even though about such a contradiction in my blog. Ignore this paragraph, and any over-analytical views you may possess, and simply appreciate my poem for what it is worth. =]


-em;

What's Behind Closed Doors.

Intimate ideas, Concealed emotions
An abudance of Secrets, a Pacific Ocean.
Uncontrolled feelings, unsolved puzzles
Battling hearts, and with each rebuttal:

Heightened affection, Nocturnal dreams
To win one's heart, Comes devious schemes.
Forseen ideas, Extravagant visions
My heart's singing a tune, but will she listen?

Sensual passion, Wonderous thoughts
One wrong move, will this all fall apart?
Locked or not, I have found the door
I think it has opened, yet I am scared to explore...


* This poem was made in 9th grade, during a time of infatuation for Kira. It has since become my favorite poem, that I have ever transcribed. It's amazing, to me, to observe how much I have changed over the years, with regards to writing, and personality. This poem would have been different had it been made just a few hours ago - the punctation, the words, the capitalization. Yet, the overall poem would have been the same, with minor details. I'm not sure why I admire it so much, I actually don't think it is in my top 10 best works of literature ever. Maybe, because it contains so many elements that were, and still are, true to my situation and being. "Intimate ideas, Concealed emotions" ---I had so many thoughts about Kira, but just did not tell her. I always did that, until maybe a few months ago. "One wrong move, will this all fall apart?" ---I can be very, very pessimistic. I realized that I was this way, even in 9th grade. And finally, there's "I think it has opened, yet I am scared to explore..." ---My shy nature has haunted me for so long. I think it ended with my relationship with Mone, or maybe even later than that. I also miss many opportunities, like with Rachel for example.

You know, maybe you have learned something:
That you can acquire much about me from my writing that you may have originally thought.
Understand writing's significance me now?



-em;

Literary Intercourse: Part One.

So, I've realized that I am not my only inspiration.
For example, one major reason that I have been blogging just about everyday for the last week it because Saika, and recently Tashauna, wake up everyday and come here.
That makes me feel good about myself, and so, I want them to feel satisfied by what they read.
I could easily create 10 blogs a day, but you would not get my elite writing.
I really love you two for doing that, by the way. To have such dedication to Reading is one thing, but to do it in the morning - a time in which many people are tired, annoyed, and as a result, narrow-minded - is quite Amazing.

My writing, means everything to me - this is why my blogs take such extended periods of time to transcribe.
Although I do write exactly what is on my mind, I want my thoughts to instill
certain messages within the hearts of my readers, and convey particular aphorisms through their curious minds.

Which brings me to a discordance I have.
Nearly everyone who comments my blog, merely remarks on the Content of
my work, not my actual writing.
Although, the content may seem more important,
my writing and my words hold equal bearing.
And does anyone pay attention to my titles?
I actually spend much time devising them, and have yet to receive a comment discussing them.
Maybe I am being too needy, or just simply straying away from my values, by
actually expecting something of you.

I believe, that my mannerisms* are not accurately represented by my words.
I come off as this, completely philsophical, and if I may say, boring individual.
My biggest gripe is, however, that my 'formal' writing has leaked into my text messages and casual conversation.
There is a time and place for my formal speech, but, my outgoing and humorous interior seems to not even be evident any longer.
Of course, we know that it is still there, but I have to feel as though I am being true to myself.
And so, my typing style, at least on social networking sites & text messages, will return to it's sporadic and appealing state.

This wasn't one of my more exciting, revealing, or tantalizing blogs,
but why does everyone have to be?
As long as my thoughts are expressed.

I bid you farewell...
until my next blog, which contains more poetic influence,
is posted.


-em;




* mannerisms - the way I act and behave.

Vice-Versa.

It begins like a marriage,
ends like a song.
The greatest at first,
but brings grief when it's gone.

Funny the way it is,
how we effortlessly live,
but struggled to become one.*

From single souls,
to fools in love...

I wonder,
why our grass is no longer green,
and how we were once in the clouds,
yet we're six feet under?

It's Amazing how it's true,
that I've seen it all, and
lost it all too.



-em;

* This was simply talking about how people go
through so much just to be together, but will live with one another
so easily.

Randomness 104.

I'm weird. Like, I've been told that before, but it really HIT me today.

So like, we all know about how I scold [some] of the trends infecting my peers right ? Twitter, for example, has always seems pointless to me. But today, I posted about 10+ non-stop status updates on Facebook. How can I downsize Twitter, a site dedicated to status updating, yet have posting my status be my most use activity on Facebook ? Maybe I jus never understood the greatness with the depths, and outskirts, of Twitter. I should try it. I already know, that if people actually paid attention and cooperated with me on there, I would Covet it.

Saika brought up a good point today about the saying, "Get your mind out of the gutter." Why does sexually-based have to be considered a bad thing ? Why can't the saying include something "prettier, like a basket?" [Saika's words in the quotes.] This is true, like Sex is acclaimed yet frowned upon when used in regular conversation. Yes, the saying 'get your mind out of the gutter' is usually accompanied by a 'Lol' which indicates humor, but the saying itself is negative.

I guess, what I really am saying, is why can't the negative in our lives transpire to positive ? Or, why is it so hard to do so ?

I realized what type of life I want in the future. I want to be like super cool with one of my male bestfriends. I want us to live together, like a television sitcom, and go through so much drama and good times---from girls, to family, to EVERYTHING. Then, I want us to both find a woman, get married, and live not to far from each other so we can stay cool until Death. I thought of this while riding in the car today, fearing that I'd be alone after college, and trying to figure out how could life be interesting without the Joy of school.

Love at first sight isn't when you first look at someone, it's when you first look in them. Inspiration: -Ms. Bince.♥

Just for kicks: my 'girl-crazy' syndrome really is curing ! Like, I haven't been thinking about mutiple girls all the time nor constantly talking about them. You may not care, but I'm proud of yours truly.=]

I just notice that I always say something along the lines of "you may not care" when I want you to care. I just wished people cared more about the little things; especially since I adore and emphasize the little things.

I just killed a spider, despite my reluctance. I let my fear of him creeping across my rugged skin while I am asleep dispel my admiration for nature and it's wonders. I feel like a hypocrite, yet, I never did advocate letting animals live. My favorite food is cheeseburgers after all.

Edem just invigorated my life. He asked me if I wrote 'It Ends Tonight' and how long did it take. Essentially, he thought some published writer gave birth to such a celestial love letter. He is one of the people whose opinion I look forward to the most, simply because I have not heard it enough.

I am growing severly restless of girls saying 'Niggaz ain't shit.' [Excuse the french, I was merely reciting a popular saying.] It's astonishing, really, that the girls who advocate such disdain for boys are the girls who continue to affiliate themselves with boys who make their lives hell. Who break their hearts. Who tell them lies. Who don't care about who they really are. I just wish they try another type of guy, so that they could not spew such immature words.

My job is starting to rock the one little annoyance nerve I have left in my body. I will be searching for another; working at a fast-food restuarant alreay goes against my values, you would think that would be enough. But no, disrespect and disappreciation also plague me. My fellow employees, for the most part, are wonderful. My superiors, however, are not too far from repulsive.

Pap, also knows as Yvette, is starting to become the most significant friend in my life since Andrew in 9th grade, and Marcus in 10th grade. I have always wanted to have a true bestfriend of the opposite sex especially, who put me as # 1, and put by me as #1. Although that has not happened with her, I realized that she is the closest that I will ever get to reach that ambition. I'd go to talk about/for Anything: money, [discuss] sex, dreams, fears, mishaps, death, music, love, bubble gum, etc. She is just so great. Yes, I despise somethings she says, but their[her words] efforts to make me dislike her are rendered inneffective, for her sheer internal goodness outshines all discrepancies I have. Edem, and everyone else, you may try to use this as another reason of why I maybe be infatuated with Pap. But why, in the name of all that is celestial, would I wish to sacrifice such genuine friendship ?

I have come to the conclusion, that I am a hopeless romantic. I always want to feel loved. And as of now, I want to wake up everyday knowing that I will see my significant other in only a few hours. I want to stay up late and talk until our breaths stop, and our hearts implode. I want to experience dates in the middle of a large field, looking up at the stars, just lying there: hands locks, bodies embracing one another. I want to be able to go to Prom, and already know who my date is, and KNOW my love will have fun with my friends and I. I want to actually look forward to Valentine's Day, not because I am planning on saying something to say a girl, but because I am planning on expressing three words* I have already said to a girl. I want to be able to go home, and eat dinner with only one hand, for my other hand is intertwined with hers under the tablecloth. I want to be late to every class, for I had to walk one to her own classes. I want to able to be kissed daily, and have people smile as jubilance transfer from lip to lip. I want to go to sleep everynight, with 'I love you.' pulsating through my ears with each second that passes by. I want...to love, and be loved back, by one who is mine, and to whom I belong.




"...I have already learned love. To be loved back, is my greatest aspiration. And is the next step in my journey to absolute elation."

-em;




* three words - I love you.

It Ends Tonight.

Dear Love,

With the splendor and swiftness of a Peregrine*, you danced your way into my entangled** universe. Despite being startled by your arrival, the bewilderment*** wrought a joy that He himself cannot fathom. You became my instant addiction; far more than a simple drug, you conjoined with my soul - we were a sole entity.
It would be pure dishonesty if I were to display any confusion on how you so easily stole my heart. Your spirit, once so jolly and subtle, so exhilarating and diverse...your character, once so unique and unrivaled, so wooing and stimulating to everything that is me. How could one not admire you?
It seems, that maybe I am being too flattering or overwhelming. But what you have read, is exactly how I felt. As with all that is good, you concealed a horrid nature behind a lovely curtain. What would make me say such a thing, after praising your existence in my life? With more phases than the moon, you often take me for granted, and use my heart as Welcome Mat; the first step into Oblivion.**** It's as if, you know not of my admiration for you. Or, that you are simply nonchalant about the matter of me being in love with everything that is you.
To go on in this life, as an unappreciated being in love with one whom he does not truly romantically possess, would display the utmost stupidity. Everything, from the potential love we had, to the memories we shared, from the bliss I exerted in your prescence, to the consistent neglect of my attempts at a 'Happy Ever After', and just me as a whole, is done. I loved you, but that too, ends tonight.

Sincerely Yours,

-The love you once had.

* the Peregrine Falcon is the fastest animal on Earth.
** entangled - complex.
*** bewilderment - surprise.
**** Welcome Mats are the first thing on which you step before entering a house, my heart was used as the first step into the downfall of our bond.

thebestyears.

///this blog was orignally going to be the fourth installment of my 'randomness' series, but I saw it as being to wondrous for such a mediorce title of Randomness 104.///

...my manger let me off Early today; that set up the beginning of what i'd call a Grand day. some of that maginificence came from, which is no surprise to me, Saika; so genuine. so cool. so gifted.
-----it's amazing the amount of Rejoice & Joy ifeel when conversing with her. ihaven't felt this way about a group of conversations since, well, talking to Sua last summer. iactually got on AIM jst to continue our conversation, which was at that point was DEAD._

in the midst of our delightful volleys of words, & compliments, I came across something idearly love: making people Smile. ....iam the most elated individual on Earth, when a girl is smiling because of what I have said.
even more joyful then when one is praising me for a pieces of literature that ihave begotten. [icould sayMUCH MUCH more;but iam trying to condense my blogs.]

♥Sua.<----she made me realize today; that ialso don't have many friends...most people with whom I converse aren't even associates;they are mere pawns in my game of Jubilance and Satisfaction. thank you Dearly for your insightful & ingenious blog.
Althought I am lacking in the friends department, my bestfriend count is larger than most, and more potent [in terms of Excellence] than most also...

Yvette,Marcus,Ej,Tre---i'd tell them Anything without Any hesistation.
& as Ms. Bamfo said, imay not receive the same label of bestfriend from them [maybe only from Sua really.], but istill know, that deep down in my Heart, they are my Life.----even if idon't talk to them everyday...
** my apologies to you Sua, if you disliked or am by what isaid in brackets. but ihave a duty to my soul to say what ifeel; and if iam wrong---PLEASE, correct me at once.

there is this common statement of grave dreadfulness floating around the minds of my peers. this thought, is that High School, for the most part, is insignificant----asleast parts of it. Edem says the relationships are not worth anything. Pap essentially told Sua not to worry about the friends-fiasco;because she won't see most of these people after high school. My beloved friends, wake up...please open your eyes to the fact that what happens now, will forever affect who we are. If I learn to love now, loving will be easy later. If I learn to ignore most, and only worry about the thoughts of those who are important now, it will be that much easier to live above what society impels upon you.

I am anxiously anticipating our return to school;
the weeks will fly by; yet they will be Glorious
& quite simply, thebestever._

...how I am feeling right now, is the best I have felt all summer.
no longer plagued by social diseases.
no longer vexed by ambiguity or insecurity.
no longer afflicted by discontent or disinterest.



I'm running right at Life in full throttle;
& I'm loving her luxurious highways.


-em;

a majestic voyage.

...last night,
imade my first entry in my newest
Yo.
*letmeexplainexactlywhatmy Yo is.

---everynight, iwrite in this book.
in it; isimply write about my day.
yet,
with a poetic twist;ispew my thoughts &
desires dealing with my daily events.

in a sense, iprovide feedback to the knowlegdge
ihave obtained.
Dear Yo, is how ibegin each account...
many have simply called it a diary.

...now, back to my purpose:
every new book to me;is like another phase in mylife...
for ireview everything that has happened to me;and others---from my
old book.
my last Yo, for example was from April 20th, to August 3rd.

August 4th [and beyond] marks the birth of my
campaign,
to uphold my values &proclaimed changes.
this may seem hypocritical to some;for
idid just say that in a previous blog
"-that ineed not substantial change.-ineed not to strive to be anything."

yet---iam simply strengthening my Inspiration.
my changes, and values of which I speak are not relevant...
just know, that it[my metamorphosis]is approaching---and they[my morals]will be sustained.

the next stage in my time, has begun.
...&iam anxious to see what, and who, will walk with me
on the exalted pillars of life.


-em;

Chicago Bound._

...most of us know who this is to;
so i'll spare the details.


you are like the Sun to me---idespise when you burn my heart,
but iam always happy you are out;bringing light to my otherwise shadowy soul.


-em;

Inspiration.

you know,
ialways thought that ineeded a spark...
...or some wonderous change to make my life interesting.

this was because,
iwas never where I wished to be.
iwas never with whom I wanted.
iwas never the person I strived to be.

but,,,
irealized;
-that ineed not substantial change.
-ineed not to strive to be anything.
-it's pointless for me to go out of my way for any girl.

...iam my own Inspiration;the sole catalyst to my happiness.
my troubles,
& social diseases, [girl crazy,trust issues,etc.]
& redundant phases,
have all been a manifestation of my ignorance.
right where iam,,is where ineed to be.

if someone comes into my life,
& touches my soul with an angelic prescence that
stimulates my joy;than it is because I allowed them to do so.
just as,
if sometimes pounces their antagonistic words and
actions onto me,
which throws my mind into a feeble and
inaquedate state,
it's because I allowed them to do so.

---you see;
I need not any bestfriend,
family member,
or girl to make me feel special;
and Great.

...because when ilook deep within,
even on the outskirts of my heavy emotions for others,
ifind an individual capable of living jubliantly;
if he simply acts on his own will,and mind.

my mind roams; and that has been my downfall.
iloveyouall; and my mind has cursed me for it.
---yet, it has blessed me;iunderstand that love
doesNOT have to mean pain 200% of the time.
iunderstand that;in this world, you truly are always alone...
unless you can open up and be true to others,which
first requires you to be true and open up to yourself.

---today; imet a girl named Saika.
iwill keep this concise, for ihave a robust feeling that she will
once again make her way in my blog.
despite that; she, unknowingly of course, changed the nature of this blog._
she showed me how MAGNIFICENT a conversation could be;ihaven't
typed that much to anyone in quite some time.
she showed me that staying true to yourself will come with it's own rewards
& gratifications.

<----ineeded those assurances; for jst earlier this day itold a friend of mine
how my good intentions have led me no where,& that maybe ishould alter them.


...this is by no means an insult to anyone.
this is by no means a removal of anyone from my life.
this is by no means another blog exemplifying my 'Girl-Crazy' syndrome.lol
this is by no means a celebration of pompousness and isolation.
this by no means anything with a negative connotation.

this is,
by all means,
HOW IT SHOULD BE---a glorification of who I am.


Hello,
...my name is Miles,
and my inspiration to life,
is Miles.
---what's yours?




-em;

August 1st, 2009---a day.

...iusually doNOT make blogs about my day;
that is for what my 'Yo' is.
yet, today did something to me---it opened my eyes;
& helped me reach new heights.

Tre's birthday bash was fun.
---it could have been better; & ifeel bad for Tre.
but dinner was coo[imadepeoplelaugh].
getting the bill together was overwhelming annoying._
our service was TERRIBLE.
AMC Theatres was the worst, yet best part of the night.

...after much talk and drama; ihad refunded the same tickets TWICE;
& Tre had to see the movie w/ only his two female companions.

yet,
outside,
idid something which may change the rest of the Summer,
& the way ilook at some things.
although it isn't a big to most, maybe ALL of you,
icalled four people, only 3 of the calls holding signficance.

...the first, was Sua.
ahhh; it was great calling her.
ifelt like a new person; inever call her---in fear that it will be
awkward,etc.
& well,
itWAS.
we talked about minor stuff; and she ended our conversation
before it could really start with a "...well, iguess i'll text you later."
not only will it be ME who does the texting later;
but she didn't want to hear my voice.
...at that very moment, iwas Sad. Ej, Julian, and my cuzzin didn't notice---
for ishowed NO facial expression;
but my mind had flashbacks of the arguements Sua & I shared.
and the time she said ishould stop liking her.
etc,etc.
....despite the mournful event;
iwas Proud of myself of actually calling her.
iwon't do it again for some time; but iDID do it.
call me Pathetic;& i'll say, "probably."


...the next call, was to Tashauna.
this call, was very interesting.
by now, you should all know what ithink of her...then again;you don't.
lls.
but, you do know that she's a bestfriend, and my thoughts have been
roaming with regards to her.
anyways,,,me calling her was a bigdeal.
cause like; you can Text all you want---but hearing someone's voice
can really have an effect.
she was in the movies,
& came out to see.
at first, iwas shocked. but then, irealized that it was an act of simply wanting to see me;
and that is very Expectable;at least frm her.
like; she really did tell her Boyfriend that she will be back because she is coming
outside to see me----that is Insane.

,,,like--it made me feel really Special.
& it almost made me feel Wanted...almost.
...ididn't get a hug;
idk; iblowthingsoutofproportion.
...and besides her braids,
she looked sooooooooooGreat.
iwish iwas on that 'date'.
black & blue; with leggins.


...and then there was the call to Jheri.
she didn't answer,
and eventually called back---after pleading her case;
so that iwould know that she did not intentionally ignore me...which iorignally thought.
when icalled her; which idid without ANY hesistation; ilovedtalkingtoher._
although there were some weird moments, and ioften had to think of something tosay,
and that Ej and his Bro, and my cuzzin were making SOOOOOOO MUCH NOISE
AND DISTRACTING ME lol; ilovedeveryminuteofourconversation.
of course, iwas upset when my phone was dieing.
lls.
anyways, icalled her, we talked, and iwas Happy.
ilearned some disturbing information----the reason why she & I had
stopped talking.
...iwas upset for a minute or two.
ilook forward to the next conversation...

[yes, istill Appear be 'girl crazy' but iam making a vailant effort into changing that. what you see above is jst me feeling good because iactually called those close to me.]

* thank Tashauna for this: iam by no means "scared" to talk to females on the phone...iused to do it allthetime. ijst, despise awkward moments & whack conversations;texting is easy---and if you suck at talking to me over texts, why would icall you ? also; calling the people with which ihave 'situations' is Cool, cause it can help resolve those 'situations', or change them._

...if Ej were not with me today; iwould NOT have called anyone,
nor would ihave had a good time.
that sparked an Epiphany, irealized how important Ej is to my life.
when we are SUPER cool; like in 9th grade, ido things inormally wouldn't.
goal: stay close to everyone in the Q.U.A.D.

my goal brings up one of my final points;
Edem & I being cool is for the better of everyone in our 'circle'.
the things we discussed today----->certain Q.U.A.D. members being closer to others;
our views on one another; etc.
...although him telling me about how much Marcus DESPISED me at one point really did
make me really Angry, and doubtful, not to mention cautious,
ireally enjoyed our convo._

...i'm not sure what else ican say.
it may seem that iwill not start calling people;
but that is not the case.
ihave to, rid myself of this Disease ibear;
icannot keep myself attached to anyone._

,,,so; this blog was a dud.
it sparked an epiphany or two;
but reallly the girls portion messed it up.

Sua really shot my inspiration;but helped me with my Goal.
Tashauna made me feel like somebody.
& Jheri brought the joy back into phone conversations;and our friendship.

"...iknow iam a lot of work; but look at what you have done---can you really blame me ?"

-em;

...ongoing, my faves.

...here are some of my favorites things, in various categories.
iwill be constantly adding to this list; & imay decide to give brief explanations laterrr.
[i'm trying really really hard to one putONE item per category.]



television show; BoyMeetsWorld,FreshPrinceofBelAir.
cartoon; FamilyGuy.
cartoon character; BugsBunny.
cartoon animal; Snoopy.

R&B song; I Wanna Know-Joe.
Rap song; Renegade-Jay Z & Eminem.
singer; Beyonce'.
rapper; Eminem,KanYe West.

person; Sua.
female celebrity; Jessica Alba.
male celebrity; Will Smith.
color; purplegreengray._

website; all of the Wiki's.
activity; hanging with friends,writing.
superhero; Sonic.
videogame; Sonic Adventure 1 & 2, Kingdom Hearts 1 & 2, SuperSmashBros.Brawl, Pokemon Crystal, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Oblivion: Elder Scrolls IV.

drink; Sierra Mist, Lemonade.
shoebrand; Prada.
jeansbrand; RobinJeans.
clothing accessory; sneakers.

music album; Marshall Mathers LP-Eminem, Graduation-KanYe West.
ipod touch app; TapTapRevenge 2, Zenonia.
rock band; FallOutBoy, Coldplay.
rock song; HeroHeroine-BoysLikeGirls, Sugar We're Going Down-FallOutBoy, Viva La Vida-Coldplay.


favorite rock quote; "...and I feel just like a newborn child, everytime I get a chance to see you smile."
favorite self-made quote; "...individuality is Excellence."
food; Cheeseburger.
restuarant; Olive Garden,Tree,Branch,etc.



...istill need some more categories;but this is enough for now---especially since Pap is a crybaby._
=]

-em;