Randomness 102.

...most people won't get my title, because they haven't read "Randomness 101" on my blogspot;but then again,most people won't even read this.

*warning, this WILL be long.

anyways,,,somethings have been on my mind lately---lots of things actually.like, for some reason, iapparently have a "thing" for Yvette[Pap.],,,and that "thing" is apparently mutual.not really a big deal, but it jst seems as if ican't be cool with anyone w/o there having to be something Extra added to it---iguess that is my own fault;Pap is like the ONLY girl bestfriend ihave ever had who ididn't like.

...now on to more relevant things:well not really,,but uhm, apparently i'm Girl Crazy.idenied it at first, but maybe everyone was right.imean, i've had my share of crushes, but ialways found Most of them petty and just phases through which iwas going. like at this very moment, i;m having girl "situations" and they ALL haveboyfriends !like, wtf am I doing with my life._

i'm more than girl crazy, i'm jst plain stupid---it's something on which iwill be trying to work in the coming days.my[close]friends say that icould have nearly any girl iwanted, but maybe it's my stupidity, lack of aggression, confidence, and downright Pessimism that is stopping me from doing so.-
-not to mention that i'm indecisive.
idk man; ithink people are[mostly] phoney when they talk about,,,changing themselves: but ireally need to do so.


and then there's this ordeal ihave about "needing new friends, or at least reuniting with old ones."idon't wish to offend ANY of my current friends,but ineed something fresh.maybe, it's because i've been around the same people to long, and that's why i'm not where iwish to be socially. & like, i'm FADING from toooo many people---ilike having mutiples choices of friends to go to if iwant conversation or advice;idnt necessarily want a plethora of bestfriends, iactually dnt want to tell my bestfriends ANYTHING...ijst need, communication.


in addition, people jst really suck.like, ihave worked sooo many years to develop my patience---idon't get mad. like, ido, but notNEARLY as much as in 9th and 10th grade [ask around.]& then people follow others,overreact about things,praise others while diregarding others [Mj's and Farrah's deaths for example.],and jst countless other things---it's like, people are TRYING to make me mad.&& to make it worse, when iTRY to become friends with people, they ignore me...what did ido wrong ?

ugh; ishould release stuff more often...but idon;t like to hurt feelings<--there's goes that nice guy crap that plagues me.

being nice has gotten me here: single, annoyed by people, small social circle, no permit lol, confused, etc.like, we're taught to do well, but all the bad guys get the Gold ?,someone help me understand._my biggest high school crush said to me earlier that she is done with boys,how am ireally supposed to take that ?

---idnt "like" anyone, cause there isn't a single person with whom I would go out if they asked me this very moment.yet, iget attached to people...how sad.
...ijst had an Epiphany: my problem,at least with girls, is that ican't move on.so,ineed to do so;and jst keep things with girls who are taken FRIENDLY,while keeping the friendship of course.


my summer has been, stupid.only monumental thing that has Truly happened is me starting to work...everything else ?video games and dumb mental games i've been playingg with myself over girls.and omg,.my brother was born=]


---with my newest poems, ifeel as though my "skill" [what little is there]has returned as far as writing goes..so that makes me feel really good about myself.lol
and, Pap has been a pretty good friend, despite annoying me at least once everyday.

M is showing signs of us resurrecting how close we were prior to 3rd quarter 11th grade, wheneverything FELL.

inever really not how Sua and I are doing, so ijst stop thinking about it, to prevent myself from gettingoverly exicted,or mad....there are other about which icould write, but isn't this already long enough ?


i DEFINETLY MUST MUST MUST write a "Wrap-Up" for this summer;iforgot to do one for 11th grade=[like, ifeel as though ihave let people down.oh yeah;somethings of which people may not be aware:


-idnt believe ANYone until they prove what they have said.-idnt expect anything frm anyone, even if i'm 99% sure that they will do it/say it.
-idnt care about what you think me[when it comes to negative things], unless your name is Marcus,Yvette,Ej,Sua,Tre,Mone,Tashauna,Edem,Kileem,Kris or Rachel.
-idnt believe in the Bible or any other religious artifact or religion;ibelieve in a supernatural being, icall it God because that is the only term iknow.
-irarely do what iwant to, when it comes to many social and mental things.
-ilove making new friends, with people who ideem cool, differerent, and true to themselves.
-ilove grammar.
-iam disgusted of what has become of my peers, and generation as whole: our attitudes towards each other, and actions such as fighting and smoking have become out of control, and a downright disgrace---iwish iwere born in the past/future sometimes.-ibelieve that iam a pathetic human being who needs to wake up, and smell the waffles [idnt think ilike coffee.]
-if iwere to say everything iwished, iwould be happier, and you would be too, in thelongrun._
-idnt take many risks, depsite loving new things [and surprises---so surprise me !] because ihave constant negative thoughts and have been disappointed too many times;basically...ican't move on and need to be more joyful.

on another note,,,icould jst be sittin' here whining about nothing;that nothing is really wrong, and i'm overreacting---that maybe true,but iknow one thing:the Miles you see today, is the same Miles you'll see tomorrow.with some added features of course=]
...you and I, Collide.
-em;

FOR THE RECORD, IAM NOT, IREPEAT, IAM NOT BY ANY MEANS "DEPRESSED, SUCIDICAL, ANGRY WITH THE WORLD, ETC." iam merely trying to figure somethings out,and most importantly,figure myself out.